L.A.'s gonna eat him alive, unless ...

Did you catch Conan O'Brien's final show last night? I remember when he had just come on 16 years ago as host of Late Night, with that wild red hair and goofy Andy Richter as his sidekick and all those ridiculous skits. And even though I was a fan of those early shows I remember thinking: This poor bastard doesn't stand a chance.

And 2,725 shows later, as predicted, O'Brien finally tapped out. As Richter, who left the show in 2000, proclaimed during his return on the finale: "I knew you wouldn't make it without me.''

Of course O'Brien isn't done yet. He's headed to the Tonight Show, succeeding Jay Leno in the premier night show slot beginning June 1. And good luck with that. Some believe O'Brien is somehow being sabotaged by getting Leno's enviable slot but still having to follow him (Leno moves into new territory at 10 p.m.) As John Mayer sang in a taped video greeting to acknowledge O'Brien's move to the early late show:

L.A.'s gonna eat you alive
L.A.'s gonna eat you alive
Look at me, I used to live in NYC
Now I'm as douchey as a man can be
L.A.'s gonna eat you alive

It's safe to say this cut won't appear on Mayer's next album, but I admire him for calling himself a douche, and for possibly inventing a derivative of the word.

As for O'Brien, the poor bastard doesn't stand a chance. Unless: he changes the format and puts the musical guest on first instead of last, and lets the artist hang around to close the show. Why has nobody thought of that?